“Us vs Them”: The divisive habit unhealthy leaders use to consolidate their power & control

With the recent conclusion of the Winter Olympics, we have probably all found ourselves cheering for athletes and teams from our home countries. Even if we haven’t been following those athletes or their sports for the last 4 years, we cheer for them anyway. We want our country to win the most medals. We want our fellow countrymen and women to beat competitors from other countries.

As fans, we become very emotionally invested in our teams. We even use personal and possessive pronouns like “we”, “us” and “our” when referring to our team, even if you weren’t even there competing. (Ex: “We won the championship.”)

Sport is probably one of the few arenas in life where it’s okay to see the world in terms of “Us vs Them.”

But when leaders use “Us vs Them” language in the workplace, or politics or religion, or our social clubs, it can be damaging to healthy team dynamics and unity.

Have you ever had an insecure leader (boss at work, political leader, sports coach, religious leader, etc) who was divisive?

Insecure leaders always try to divide people. That’s what they do.

They try to “Divide and conquer”.

Stop and think for a minute about any recent divisive messages, speeches or strategies you have seen where a leader created an “Us vs Them” dynamic. It could be at work, or in your religious setting, or in political rhetoric.

In the business or workplace, it could be Corporate vs Field, R&D vs Production, Senior Leaders vs middle management, cultural differences, salary differences, religious differences, or political differences.

In politics, it’s often the Right vs the Left or conservative vs liberal.

Insecure, emotionally unhealthy leaders often resort to dividing and creating an “Us vs Them” dynamic.

The best leaders are those who know how to unite their team, company, club, religious group, or country. They know how to listen to those who think differently than them, or whose culture is different than theirs. They set aside their pride, and they learn how to harness the strengths of the differences in the room, team or country.

If you are a leader of any sort (business, corporate, academic, religious, politics, etc), stop and ask yourself some reflection questions:

· Do I ever refer to groups of employees as “they,” “those people,” or “my team vs. their team”?
· Do I have an “in‑group” of people I trust and an “out‑group” I avoid, dismiss, or keep at arm’s length?
· Do I unintentionally reward people who are most like me in personality, background, or worldview?
· When making decisions, do I consult the same inner circle every time?
· Do I get defensive when someone with a different cultural background pushes back?
· Do I feel the need to be liked, admired, or agreed with and does that drive my behavior?
· Do I feel intimidated by certain employees or groups?

If any of these are true for you, you might be creating an unhealthy “Us vs Them” dynamic in your team or community.